A Monologue

Apr 29, 2018

We had walked together for a while

I, being uninterested in him, took a bus to Kathmandu

to do a flight of dreams

and he had pardoned my callousness and followed me

to wherever I went, like a loyal dog.

I called his loyalty cowardice

When I found him dogging me,

I thought he was an incapable traveler, lost and lonely.

Yes, we have been companions for a long time.


He smiled curiously

when he saw me smoking a Sikhar

in front of Shankar Dev Campus in misty mornings

or when I threw a bill of ten to a bard who sang at the Ratna Park

or when I bought books in spite of impending hunger

But never spoke to me, except in dreams that I often had in that dreamy journey

He said, “Chap, we will have to go back someday because we are the one”

I forgot the dreams the following mornings,

always concluded that I was essential to him.


When he peeps at me from the debris of memories,

shows me the happiness I have left behind,

tells me to show him the happiness I never got,

lies down on the grassy lawn I never cared about in the past,

drinks from the spring I never noticed,

I feel shocked.

It looks as though-

he is charging me for my unsuccessful flight

or is competing with me.

He is very far from me, and yet I hear him like he is next door.

He says-

I know you can’t

But I urge that I am your soul,

Come make me your soul.”